A Sexy, Sexy Renfield
It is starting to rain as Hunter and I walk from our car and up onto the porch of Boone and Tina’s house. The sun has been down for an hour or so, and the night is dark and thick with clouds. Rivi and Tina are sitting on Adirondacks on the porch, and a woman we do not know is sitting in another chair between them.
“About time you got here,” Rivi says. “We’ve been waiting hours for you already.”
“We’ve been out here fifteen minutes,” Tina says. “Don’t listen to her. She doesn’t own a watch.”
“Nobody owns a watch anymore,” Rivi says. “We live in the future now.”
The woman we don’t know raises her right arm and pulls back her sleeve, revealing the watch on her wrist. “I still live in the past,” she says.
“That’s because you’re a vampire,” Rivi says. “You’re all ancient and stuff.”
“So you’re Miette,” I say. “Rivi’s told us all about you.”
Miette smiles. “I’m pretty sure she’s talked me up a little too much.”
“Just the vampire bit,” Rivi says. “All the good stuff.”
Tina rolls her eyes so thoroughly that I can almost hear them moving in their sockets. “Boone went to pick up a pizza,” she says. “Extra garlic.”
“My request,” Miette adds. “Can’t have too much garlic.”
“Preaching to the choir,” Hunter says. She sits in the empty seat next to Tina, which leaves me the one beside Rivi.
“So you live across the street?” I ask.
Miette nods. “For a few years, yeah. Got a great view of the river out my bedroom window.”
“It’s a beautiful house,” Hunter says. “We’ve always liked it since we drove past it the first time.”
“It’s a work in progress,” Miette says. “All these old houses are.”
“Can’t argue with that,” I say. “Ours is a hundred and seventy-five years old, but her bones are solid.”
Rivi reaches over and squeezes Miette on the forearm. “You’re about that age, and your bones are pretty solid.”
“I exercise,” Miette says. “And watch what I eat.”
“A lot of garlic,” Hunter says.
“Oh my, yes,” Miette agrees. “Tons of garlic.”
The rain picks up, splashing loudly onto the metal roof and making conversation difficult, and we all sit in silence for a minute or two until it quiets down again.
“So,” I say, getting right to it. “You’re a vampire.”
Miette laughs. “Well, that’s what Rivi says, anyway.”
“Rivi says a lot of things,” Tina adds.
“I do,” Rivi says. “Very often and very loudly.”
“Are you the blood drinking kind of vampire, or the emotional kind like on What We Do In The Shadows?” Hunter asks.
“I love that show,” Miette says. “Colin Robinson is the best.”
“We’re big Guillermo fans,” Hunter says.
“He’s so adorable,” Miette agrees. “I could eat him up.”
“So you’re the blood drinking kind of vampire then,” I say.
“I guess if I were a vampire, it would be the blood drinking type. I like tradition, you know?”
“So you’re not really—I can’t believe I’m actually saying these words—a vampire?”
She pulls back her sleeve again and checks her watch. “According to this, and according to Rivi, we live in the future. I don’t think there are very many vampires around these days.”
“Well, we do live in Stephen King country,” Hunter says.
“We have a zombie chicken, after all,” I say. “A vampire across the street wouldn’t surprise us.”
Miette looks from me to Hunter. “A zombie chicken?”
“Long story,” Rivi interrupts. “I’ll tell you about it later.”
Headlights cut across us as a car pulls into the driveway: Boone. He steps out and retrieves two pizza boxes from the passenger side, then dashes quickly out of the rain and onto the porch. “Guys,” he says by way of greeting to me and Hunter. “I see you met the vampire.”
“See?” Rivi exclaims. “He knows your secret, Miette.”
“It’s not a secret if you go around telling everybody,” Tina says. “Plus, you know, no such thing as vampires.”
“I’m going to go inside and get a mirror,” Rivi says. “Vampires don’t cast reflections in them, right?”
“That lady’s makeup is on point,” Hunter says, looking at Miette. “You don’t get it like that without looking in a mirror.”
“Speaking of going inside,” Boone says, “if anybody wants some of this pizza, that’s where I’m taking it.”
“On board, babe,” Tina says, getting out of her chair.
“I think you have to invite me in,” Miette says. “One of the vampire rules, right? We can’t come inside unless we’re invited.”
Boone opens the front door and steps back, gesturing with his free hand. “By all means, consider yourself invited. The extra garlic on this pizza calls out for you and your pointy chompers to dig in.”
“So disrespectful,” Rivi says, frowning. “I hope she drinks your blood first.”
“Nobody nibbles on my man but me,” Tina says, walking through the door.
“Not my type anyway,” Miette says, winking at Rivi, then following Tina inside. Boone slips in behind her, pizzas in hand.
“Blood type,” Hunter whispers to me as she enters the house.
“I heard that!” Rivi shouts.
“You’re so sexy when you’re a Renfield,” I say to her.
There is a peal of thunder from off over the hills, and the rain begins to pick up again. I stand to the side on the porch to let Rivi pass and into the house.
“I am always sexy, dammit,” Rivi says as she goes by me. “A sexy, sexy Renfield.”
The pizza is delicious.
No such thing as too much garlic.
Latest 3 posts