Sebastian Malloy

On Writing as a Therapeutic "Fuck You"

I could have gone one of two ways yesterday and today, because those were really the only options I had before me.

My first choice could have been endless doomscrolling, clicking on every news article or link to trauma and horror unfolding in real-time across America (and the world, because fascism isn't just in the United States right now), but I know what the end result of that would have been for me. I was glued to the news and the internet from 2016 to 2020 (combined with working in the news industry then as well--which I absolutely do not recommend as a job path anymore to anyone), and those years very nearly broke my brain. I didn't really realize until Biden took office just how damaged I'd become from wallowing in the nightmare of the first Trump presidency, and that one was nowhere near as horrible as this one is becoming.

So doomscrolling is out. Fuck that habit, all the way into the sun.

What I did (and what I plan to do today) is to make art in the face of fuckery. Sometimes throwing up walls of creativity to put between your brain and the idiocy that's going on around you is the most effective way of fighting back. My wife calls it the "putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others put on theirs" method: you can't do anything good for anyone else unless you make sure that you are able to function yourself. She's a smart woman.

And so I opened up the book I've been writing for the past few months, and got to work. Being able to shift the focus of all that mental energy from worrying about what new thing is on fire now over to building something on my own from the ground up is a very, very strong fuck you to what's happening in the world currently. Sure, it's not effecting change on a national or global level, and I'm writing a little sci-fi novel and not a world-changing manifesto or anything like that... but I'm securing my own oxygen mask first.

For all of you out there reading this, I sincerely suggest that you find it in yourself to take the time to do the thing. Write the story. Paint the picture. Knit. Sculpt. Put your energy into building something, and carry that energy beyond that into creating bigger things, things that do contribute to changing the world, because holy shit, does it need a lot of changing right now.

For me, I'm going to keep working on my little book. Wearing my own oxygen mask.

I hope you all do the same, and then come online and tell the rest of us what it is you're building.

Keep it up, everyone.

You are my people.

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