Evil Genius Seeks Same for Global Domination, Secret Rituals, and Tasty Snacks
Okay, so here’s the thing: we evil geniuses should be sticking together in times like these. Not that there isn’t a lot of evil in the world. It’s just that there aren’t a lot of geniuses behind it. Evil buffoon doesn’t have the same ring to it, right? Exactly my point.
So, a few of my fellow EGs and I have put together a sort of classified ad’s worth of wants, and we’re putting them up here to sort the evil wheat from the banal chaff:
Evil. No do-gooders allowed in our treehouse. It’s okay if you like kittens and babies, but they have to be evil kittens and babies. Bonus credit given if the kitties are the bald sort. Also the babies.
Genius. We’ll accept super-smart, boldly-brainy, and crazily-cerebral as well. We aren’t monsters, after all. Just evil.
Henchmen. Having your own henchmen is optional, but if you don’t have any and you’d like some, a number of them will be assigned to you after our global domination is complete. Quality may vary, and you supply the matching jumpsuit uniforms.
Loyalty to the Cabal. Absolute fidelity to the group is demanded, which means attendance to at least most of our secret meetings, masked galas, and dark rituals. Zoom and FaceTime are allowed, but Teams is right out (Teams is too evil even for us).
Special consideration will be given to witches, vampires, cyborgs, brains in jars, and masters or mistresses of the dark arts. Not taking points off for the classics, but old white guys in business suits are an evil dime a dozen, and we’re trying to be inclusive and forward-looking.
This is not a joke. We evil geniuses need solidarity and unity in these troubled times. We need cool volcano island bases with groovy 1960’s interior design. We need laser death rays and in-ground shark pools.
If you’re an evil genius (and again, this is not a joke), send me an email to the contact information below. If you’re sure that you’re evil, but you’re not sure about the genius part, contact me and we’ll see if there’s a position for you anyway. If you’re interested in destroying the evil genius patriarchy, drop me a line, because we’re an equal opportunity evil organization, and we are always looking to expand the evil brand.
Don’t wait any longer, evil geniuses of the world.
Drop me a line today!
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