Signs of Enpoopification
A thousand years ago, in the dark ages of the Internet, I had a Yahoo email address, because of course I did. Who didn’t? If it wasn’t the only free option back then, it was near to it. Plus—and you kids today might not believe this—Yahoo was once a cool and useful site and the home page of just about anybody who was on the Internet. It was central to our Internet experience.
I’m telling you that to tell you this: I still have my old Yahoo email, and although now it’s become just an address I use to filter out spammy messages when having to sign up at websites requiring an email, it’s really just a garbage delivery service now. I don’t know when it happened, but of all the various email services I use, Yahoo has become the one that appears to exist solely to send me spam mail that slips right through their filters. “Try this if you can’t poop!” shouts one. “Rub your eye trick for perfect vision!” screams another.
I get these every. Single. Day.
“Need bath remodeling help?”
“Find a clinical trial near you!”
I tell Yahoo to stick them into the junk folder, and hope that I won’t see them again. But then the next day, there they are again, popping into my mailbox, where I send them again into the junk folder.
Rinse. Repeat.
Unrelated but also poopy: has anyone else using Apple’s iOS noticed that swiping words on the virtual keyboard of iPhones and iPads seems to produce more and more incorrect words than it ever did in the past? I’m constantly having my phone decide that the word I just swiped isn’t actually the one I wanted, or perhaps I meant it to be capitalized in the middle of a sentence, or maybe I’d like the word BEFORE the word I just swiped to be changed to a different, and completely incorrect, word instead?
Do not tell me the solution is to type instead of swipe. I’m an excellent typist on a physical keyboard, but I simply cannot type on a phone or tablet that doesn’t have one. I am a special snowflake. I need my goddamn hardware, people.
Also, typing instead of swiping isn’t the issue here. The issue is that my swiping is becoming broken, and I am now turning into an old man who is starting to hate technology. Hate is a strong word, actually. Emphatically dislike isn’t much better, but you get what I’m saying:
Shit is broken.
I don’t know where I’m going with any of this, other than to shoot complaints out into the cold and endless depths of the Internet, where they will vanish almost as soon as I’ve finished putting them out there (also, my iPhone just changed the word “vanish” to “banish” as soon as I’d finished typing the word “almost,” so you see what I’m up against).
Anyone else having similar issues? Complaints? Thoughts? Wanting to burn it all down and start fresh from the beginning?
We’re all in this together, guys and dolls.
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